


You Hold My Heart

by HereNowReady



Category: Fifth Harmony (Band)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-08
Updated: 2017-09-22
Packaged: 2018-12-25 11:22:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 10,118
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12034848
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HereNowReady/pseuds/HereNowReady
Summary: It's been months since Camila decided to leave Fifth Harmony - and Lauren - behind. Countless phone calls have gone by unanswered, and Lauren has given up all hope. So, after performing at the VMAs, the last person she expects to find waiting for her backstage is Camila.





	1. Don't Say You Miss Me

**Author's Note:**

> So... I may have watched the VMA performance too many times, listened to 'Don't Say You Love Me' on repeat, and then got carried away writing this. Once it's finished, it will be posted in four parts. I'm still very new to writing for this fandom so thanks for reading and let me know what you think.
> 
> Again, a huge thanks to TheSickenerHits for his proofreading skills on all these chapters. 
> 
> You can find me on Wattpad too: HereNowReady

 

Lauren’s heart was hammering inside her chest, adrenaline coursing through her veins as she stepped off the stage and into the dimly lit corridor that led towards the dressing room. The other 3 girls were walking slightly ahead of her, all of them in a daze. After all, performing at the VMAs had been a dream they’d all had at some point, and knowing they’d just achieved that dream felt absolutely incredible. 

Normani, Ally and Dinah entered the dressing room, but for some reason Lauren paused. She wasn't sure why she'd stopped and she was even more unsure as to why she chose that moment to turn around. It was as though something was pulling her in that direction.

Her smile swiftly slipped as she was faced with the one person she really hadn't expected, or wanted, to see. Her breath hitched in her throat.

_Dinah said she wasn't going to be here. She can't be here right now._

“Hello, Lauren.”

Perhaps this was all a dream. After all, performing at the VMAs was a pretty dream worthy topic. Maybe she was asleep right now and all of this was just happening in her head.

Then she looked down at the floor and saw the droplets of water that were gathering around her feet due to the explosive end of their performance.

It was all too real to be a dream.

“Hello, Camila,” she was impressed she even managed to say those two words because right now she didn't really trust herself to say much at all.

The younger girl walked towards her and Lauren hated that all she could think about was how beautiful she still looked. She didn't need her mind to go there. Not now. Not again.

Camila was exuding confidence as she smiled, her voice low and altogether too appealing for Lauren’s liking, “I hope the girl playing me didn't hurt herself when she leapt from that stage.”

Lauren swallowed, hoping that her words wouldn't get stuck in her throat. Not that she was sure what those words should be. She didn't even want to be speaking to Camila. Not after everything that had happened. She glanced away before speaking, running a hand through her wet hair, almost no emotion evident in her voice, “There was a mat.”

Camila laughed awkwardly, “Well, I'd already figured that out for myself. After all, no ambulances have shown up. It's a good job it wasn't really me up there. We both know I would have managed to injure myself somehow during that sequence.”

“What do you want?” Lauren hadn't intended her words to sound so blunt, but, now that they were out there, she was sort of glad she had.

A flash of hurt reflected back at Lauren as she glanced into Camila’s eyes. As soon as her gaze settled there, Lauren looked away again. She'd almost forgotten what it felt like to look into those eyes.

Almost.

Her stomach was swirling uncontrollably and her brain felt as though it was doing the same.

“I'm sorry,” Camila said, her voice quiet and desperate, a stark contrast to the confident and daring voice that had echoed between them just moments ago, “I just wanted to congratulate you. You were absolutely incredible on that stage.”

Lauren let out a deep exhale, not knowing at all what to do next. She hadn't seen Camila for months. They couldn't just pretend it was all alright. Not after everything that happened between them.

The silence seemed to fill every space around them. It was suffocating.

Lauren wished she'd never turned around. If only she'd just followed the other girls and hadn't hesitated. For a moment, she contemplated just walking away.

After all, wasn't that exactly what Camila had done?

Sighing, she shook her head. She knew she couldn't do that.

“I made a mistake,” Camila's voice was so quiet that Lauren was surprised she heard her at all.

Maybe if her ears weren't so finely tuned to the intricacies and tones of her ex-best friend’s voice, she would've missed those 4 words. As it was, those softly spoken syllables seemed to reverberate around them, deafeningly loud and painfully honest.

“Camila, I don't know what you want from me,” Lauren’s nerves were hammering relentlessly through her as she prepared to extend the conversation further. They hadn't exchanged this many words for months, “We're happy again. Honestly, we work better as a group now.”

“No. I know. I didn't mean that. I didn't make a mistake leaving the band. It works better like this. We’re all happier. You guys don't need me,” Camila half-smiled as she spoke. Then she looked to the floor, all traces of her smile gone as she prepared to utter the words she'd wanted to say for weeks, “But I need you, Lauren. The mistake I made was leaving you. I miss you… I miss us.”

Lauren had waited to hear those words for so long. Too long.

“Don't,” Lauren said, her voice trembling as her emotions threatened to spill over, “Don't say you miss me.”

Camila stepped closer, hoping that narrowing the physical gap between them might do something to help mend the emotional one too, “But I do. God, Lauren, I miss you so fucking much.”

Part of Lauren wanted to say that she missed her too. That she'd never missed anyone so desperately. She wanted to but she couldn't. She wouldn't allow herself to be vulnerable. Camila wasn't going to see how badly she still wanted her.

“Could've fooled me, Camila,” Lauren’s words were becoming more forceful now, as if they were venom being spat from her mouth, “No calls. No texts. Nothing. If you miss someone, you don't wait months to do something about it.”

The anger that Lauren had been holding onto was flooding out. She’d held it inside for weeks following Camila leaving them - leaving her - and she’d hoped that it had mostly faded away. Now she realised that was just wishful thinking. In reality, it had just been hiding, waiting to rear its ugly head again.

“I left you voicemails every fucking day for weeks, Camila. Would it have killed you to reply to just one of them? Weeks went by and I was still waiting like an idiot. Do you have any idea how much it hurt? You just left. After everything we’d been through, you just fucking left and I was stuck here pretending I was alright.”

Lauren tried to push the memories out of her mind but it was impossible. She’d spent too long hoping Camila would return her calls, hoping that she cared. She could still remember that day in March when she’d decided to stop trying. It was the same day she’d posted _that_ tweet.

As she’d written it, part of her had wondered if publicly mentioning Camren would elicit some sort of response from Camila, but, just like the countless messages she’d sent, it had gone unanswered.

That was the day she gave up.

“Lauren,” Camila’s voice was shaking, tears threatening to spill from her eyes, “I had to. Don’t you get it? It was all so intense. Me and you… we were never going to work. Not while we were in that environment. We were toxic. All we did was hurt each other.”

Realistically, Lauren knew Camila was right. She knew that, if they were both still a part of Fifth Harmony, they’d still be stuck in the same vicious cycle. Either fucking each other or fucking _with_ each other.

However, Camila being right didn’t justify the way she’d chosen to deal with it all.

“Then why are you here right now?” Lauren said bluntly, although the anger in her voice had lessened, “If leaving was a mistake, then what the hell do you want? You want to hurt me some more?”

“I've never wanted to hurt you. You have to believe that. I just want to talk properly,” Camila responded, “That's all I want, Lauren. There's a lot that we should have talked about sooner but talking was never our strong point.”

Lauren heard the door open behind them and turned her head to find Normani staring in their direction, eyes wide in shock. She smiled weakly in Camila’s direction then focused her attention on Lauren, “Oh. Erm… We have to go, Lauren. They need us to be ready.”

Lauren nodded and Normani disappeared back into the room a few metres away. She had no idea what to say to Camila but, as luck would have it, before she had chance to respond, she heard that familiar voice once again. It still sent those same shockwaves ricocheting around her body.

“I know that you're going to be busy but I'm serious about this. My number is still the same. If you want to talk, name a time and place and I'll be there,” Camila said, “I'll wait as long as you need me to. I’m not going anywhere.”

Lauren ran her hand through her hair as she sighed and turned around, heading towards the door. Her hand connected with the cold metal of the handle and, just before she opened the door, she allowed herself to glance into those eyes once more. Butterflies fluttered inside her, just like they always had when she saw Camila.

She looked away before she spoke, opening the door. Her voice was almost a whisper as she wondered if she’d ever see the girl she wished she didn’t love again, “I wish I could believe that.”


	2. Don't Say You're Hurting

Camila wasn’t entirely sure what she had expected to happen that day after Fifth Harmony’s VMA performance. She’d replayed the scene on loop in her mind and each time she found another reason that could explain why Lauren hadn’t messaged her.

Had she started off wrong with that stupid joke?  
Had she been too honest?  
Had she said too much?   
Had she said enough?   


The questions ricocheted around her brain, causing her head to feel as though it was spinning. It had felt that way since Lauren had disappeared through that doorway 5 days ago.

She’d tried not to get her hopes up. After all, the chances of Lauren contacting her were slim. But somehow, even though realistically she’d guessed it would be this way, the lack of notifications on her phone didn’t hurt any less.

Each time the scene replayed in Camila’s mind, her last words to Lauren rang in her ears. She’d told Lauren she wasn’t going anywhere and she needed to prove that she’d meant it. She needed to prove that, no matter how long Lauren needed, she wasn’t planning to disappear again.

So she waited.

Another 10 days passed before Camila felt a glimmer of hope light up inside her.

Fifth Harmony were in New York and had done interview after interview promoting their new album. She’d watched them all (even the ones that were of a very questionable quality on YouTube - blurry Lauren was better than no Lauren at all).

But this interview, the one Camila had now watched 23 times in a row, had her heart beating so hard she could’ve sworn it was going to jump right out of her chest.

Camila found the exact point she was looking for. She knew the time perfectly by now.

_ 7:27 _

She watched as Lauren smiled, and just like every other time she’d seen it, Camila’s stomach filled with butterflies. The actual moment that was causing Camila’s excitement wasn’t until 7:32 but Lauren’s smile was too beautiful for her to resist rewinding the video further than necessary.

As the interviewer prepared to ask the next question, the fact that Camila knew exactly what was going to happen did nothing to quell her emotions.

_ “So, let’s talk about that tweet shall we. After your performance on the VMAs, Camila Cabello posted this: ‘Incredible performance at the VMAs. Proud is an understatement.’ Obviously, your fans have gone absolutely crazy over this. Do you think she was talking about your performance?” _

Just the same as it had been the other times she’d seen this clip, Normani answered, managing to avoid the real meaning of the question expertly. That was something they’d all had to get used to during their years in the spotlight.

_ “There were so many talented performers that night. They all deserve that comment and they were all so incredible. We were just honoured to be asked to share the stage with them.” _

Camila took a deep breath. She was completely fixated on Lauren’s reaction to the next question.

_ “If she reached out to you, do you think it would ever be possible to reconnect?” _

Lauren’s eyes looked to the floor and she reached up to run a hand through her hair. Camila was transfixed as each strand fell effortlessly back into place. That action never failed to make her knees go weak.

Camila watched as Dinah answered first.

_ “Changes happen in life and you can never really predict them, you know? I wouldn’t want to say what might or might not happen in the future but, right now, we’re in such a good place and we’re so happy and honestly we’re just really thankful for that.” _

Camila braced herself for the two words that had caused that spark of hope to ignite. It was just a spark but it was more than enough. It was more than she could have ever hoped for.

Lauren looked up and Camila couldn’t help but bite her lip as that familiar voice came tumbling out of her headphones.

_ “Nothing’s impossible.” _

Lauren’s words were so softly spoken that it had taken Camila three listens to ensure she’d heard them correctly and, judging from the comments on YouTube, fans had done exactly the same thing.

The rest of the interview was still playing but Camila couldn’t hear a thing over the sound of her heart hammering and those two words echoing all around her.

It was only a few hours later when Camila read the message she’d been sure she’d never receive. As her eyes scanned over the letters, her heart soared.

**Lauren: I don’t know where you are but we’re in New York for the next 3 days if you still want to talk.**  
  
  


\---  
  


 

48 hours later, Camila was sat in a secluded coffee shop, her hands clutched around the remains of her hot chocolate as she waited anxiously for Lauren to arrive. 

As soon as Lauren walked through the door, Camila felt her entire body tense up. She begged her senses to calm down. Lauren approached the table and sat down opposite her. Camila couldn’t help but notice that she looked incredible. 

“I haven’t seen you in a beanie for a long time,” Camila said softly, hoping that Lauren couldn’t hear the shaking in her voice.

“I figured it might help me hide from any potential cameras out there,” Lauren shrugged, glancing around the room. Camila assumed she was checking that their current location was private enough. She saw Lauren look across the table, her eyes settling on Camila’s practically empty mug as she frowned, “How long have you been here?”

Camila smiled nervously, fiddling with the spoon that was now lying uselessly on the surface of the table. She mumbled her response, “Oh… Not long. Maybe half an hour...”

“You’re never early,” Lauren noted.

Camila decided to look up, allowing her eyes to meet Lauren’s for the first time since she’d entered the coffee shop. As brown eyes met green ones, Camila couldn’t control the frantic hammering of her heart, “This is important to me. You’re important.”

To Camila’s surprise, Lauren didn’t break their eye contact immediately. Camila wasn’t sure how much longer her heart could cope but, regardless, she never wanted to look at anything else.

A few seconds later, Lauren’s head turned as she gestured towards the counter, “I’m going to get a drink. Do you want anything?”

Camila shook her head as Lauren stood up, “I’m good, but thank you.”

As Lauren disappeared to order her drink, Camila took a moment to wipe her hands on her jeans and silently pray that they’d stop sweating so damn much. She had no idea what to expect from this conversation and she didn’t have a clue what Lauren was thinking at all.

“So,” Lauren said as she sat down, drink in hand, “I know I got angry with you last time we spoke. I just… I don’t really know how to feel about all of this.”

“You’re allowed to be angry with me. I get it,” Camila spoke softly, “I just want to talk to you properly. I feel like there’s a lot of things we never spoke about and I’m sure we both have questions."

Lauren picked up her drink, blowing softly on the hot liquid before taking a tentative sip.

“Why didn’t you contact me sooner?” Lauren placed her drink back on the table. Her tone was neither accusatory or angry. It was just matter of fact.

Camila wasn’t surprised by Lauren’s blunt question. Wasting time had never been something the older girl had been keen on. 

Camila took a deep breath. She’d already prepared herself for the questions she was sure Lauren would want answered. Unlike so many times before, she readied herself to tell Lauren the truth regardless of how terrifying it was. She was done hiding. “It would have hurt too much.”

Lauren scoffed, the emotionless tone of her voice replaced with a hint of irritation, “It would’ve hurt  _ you _ ?”

“You don’t know how I was feeling, Lauren,” Camila said softly, trying to remain calm. She knew from experience that matching Lauren’s building anger would do nothing but cause one of them to storm out and that was the last thing she wanted, “I was hurting so much. I  _ am _ hurting.”

“Don’t say you’re hurting. You walked away from everything. You didn’t want to  _ fuck _ anymore? Fine. But you didn’t need to stop being my best friend.” 

“What we had was more than just  _ fucking _ to me,” Camila tried to calm her breathing in a desperate attempt to stop her mind from becoming clouded by her emotions, “Lauren, I can’t force you to believe me but it did hurt. It hurt like hell. You’re not the victim here. Neither of us are. We’ve both fucked up in the past.”

She hadn’t planned on bringing this up but as tears threatened to spill, she decided she might as well be as honest as possible. Before she spoke, she willed herself to look at Lauren and was somewhat surprised when she noticed Lauren’s face had softened.

Camila took a deep breath and continued, “Do you remember the last time we slept together?”

Lauren’s eyes widened slightly and Camila realised her question had caught Lauren off guard, “Yeah. Of course I do.”

Camila looked down at the table, too nervous to continue staring at the girl in front of her, “I… I’d been spending more time away from all of you. I’d been writing a lot. I think I just needed the space. My head was a mess. I wrote a song, and, well, it was about you, and I decided I needed to see you. I came to your hotel room and I guess I should’ve figured we’d end up in bed but, anyway, I never did tell you what I’d planned on saying that night.”

Lauren raised an eyebrow, wordlessly asking Camila to continue.

“I was going to tell you I loved you. I decided that I was done with our games and I just thought,  _ ‘Fuck it. Tell her you’re in love with her.’  _ It’s not like it could’ve made anything any worse. We were barely speaking at that point.”

When Lauren spoke, her voice was practically a whisper, “Why didn’t you?”

“I got carried away with you like I always did. Wrapped up in our little bubble. When it was all over, I was too terrified to do it,” Camila frowned, “Then, a few days later, I found out about you and Lucy."

Lauren shook her head, “I’m sorry… I...”

“It’s alright,” Camila interrupted, “It doesn’t matter now. Besides, we weren’t together. You don’t need to apologise.”

“Is that why you left the band?” Lauren asked, her eyes now filled with sadness instead of the anger which had been beginning to build earlier.

“The band wasn’t working anymore,” Camila sighed, “I wish it had been but it just wasn’t and there were so many reasons why. I think it mostly broke down over time. I started doing my solo stuff and it created a huge gap between us all but, honestly, I think it had already started to break down before that point.”

“Because of us?” Lauren asked, her eyes cast downwards at the floor.

“That was definitely a factor. We spent so long avoiding what  _ this  _ really was. We’d just hook up and never talk about it. We’d both date other people but still have sex. It was so unhealthy. We were just hurting each other and I couldn’t do it anymore. I was in too deep with you, Lauren, and I should’ve just told you that but I was scared that if we talked about our emotions it would mean ending what we had,” Camila’s voice was quiet. This conversation had been the most honest she’d even been about everything that happened between them over the years, “I started distancing myself. I hung out with Shawn more and that’s when I started writing songs and exploring music outside of the band. I just needed space from it all.”

Camila looked up at Lauren, hoping to be able to read the expression on her face. When she realised she couldn’t, she decided to continue. After all, if Lauren was willing to listen then she figured she should carry on.

“I think it changed the most when I found out about you and Lucy. I know I had no right to be angry but I just was. You didn’t know how I felt about you. We’d never spoken about that. It was like an unwritten rule,” as Camila spoke she felt her eyes sting with emotion and tears began to roll down her cheeks, “We’d spent years telling everyone that we were just friends, that  _ this  _ wasn’t real, but then you were with  _ her _ and you were willing to show the world how you felt. One morning, it just hit me. I realised that it would be better for everyone if I left. It wasn’t fair on Dinah, Normani and Ally and it wasn’t fair on either of us.”

A tear fell, landing on the table between them. Camila looked up and saw Lauren crying. Her heart clenched uncomfortably. All she wanted to do was hold her but she wasn’t sure if she was allowed to do that anymore.

“We could’ve talked,” Lauren whispered.

Camila smiled sadly, “No, we couldn’t. We never could back then. It usually just ended with one of us shouting. We’d either do something or say something to hurt the other person or we’d just escape it by having sex.”

“I’m sorry, Camz,” Lauren’s words were muffled by a small sob.

Whilst seeing Lauren so upset was difficult, Camila couldn’t help but smile softly as she heard Lauren use that name again. She wondered if perhaps it was more possible than she’d thought for them to try to start over.

“You don’t need to apologise, Lauren. I told you earlier, we’ve both fucked up. Neither of us talked about it properly. We’d hook up and then date other people or ignore each other. We didn’t know how to deal with any of it,” Camila exhaled deeply, wiping the tears from her face, “But I am sorry for how I dealt with leaving the band. I shouldn’t have just cut you out of my life like that.”

Lauren shook her head, sniffing slightly as she met Camila’s gaze, “It doesn’t matter anymore.”

A soft smile began to form on Camila’s face, “I wish I’d tried to reach out to you sooner but I honestly don’t think I was ready to.”

“I don’t think I was ready to hear it,” Lauren said truthfully. She paused, clearly contemplating her next words carefully, “What happens now?”

“What do you want to happen now?” Camila asked, nerves setting in as she began to realise that, whilst it had been good to finally talk about things honestly, she couldn’t predict what might happen next. Was her future going to have Lauren in it at all?

“Maybe…” Lauren sighed, her fingers tapping nervously on the table, “I don’t know. Maybe we could start over. Try to put the past behind us. I miss my best friend.”

It was more than Camila had dared to hope for, “I like the sound of that.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're still with me, thanks for sticking with my story and I hope you liked chapter 2!


	3. Don't Promise Me Tonight

 

Since meeting Camila in the coffee shop, Lauren's head had been a bit of a mess. But then again, considering the whole thing had been so emotionally charged she figured that was probably normal.

That night, they'd ended up talking for over 3 hours, discussing things that should have been a topic of conversation years ago. Despite the overdue nature of their talk, Lauren was glad it had happened. It was better late than never after all.

There were a lot of aspects of the conversation that had been replaying in Lauren's head. The most prominent one was that Camila had told her she had loved her.

Loved.

Lauren was sure Camila's use of past tense had been entirely deliberate. If that was the case, it meant she didn't love her now. Lauren couldn't deny the disappointment that she felt. She knew she was desperately in love with Camila and had been for years. She’d just never expected that her feelings were ever reciprocated. But hearing Camila telling her she’d felt the same had been both incredible and excruciatingly painful.

She remembered the first time she'd realised she was in love with Camila. It was shortly after their time on X Factor ended. Things had been building and Lauren knew she was falling hopelessly for her friend.

She still didn’t understand how, but Lauren had plucked up enough courage to kiss Camila for the first time while they watched The 1975 play live, and, due to Camila's awkwardness around her in the weeks that followed, Lauren had assumed it meant far more to her than it had to Camila.

So began their unhealthy cycle.

Lauren didn't talk about how she really felt. Neither did Camila. Instead, they'd flirt a little but date other people. Over time, flirting turned into kissing and kissing developed into sex. As it all intensified, it only served to increase the pain Lauren felt inside.

So she dated more people and hoped that their touch would somehow erase the invisible scars Camila left on her heart.

Now that Camila had told her that she'd been in love with her, Lauren wished she’d said those same words to Camila all those years ago as ‘fallingforyou’ echoed through the speakers around them.

Lauren sighed. She knew there was no point going back over events that she couldn't alter. Almost as if on cue, her phone lit up and she felt a smile tug at her lips as she saw a sight that was becoming more familiar again.

She opened Camila’s message immediately and was met by a photo of her friend holding a large bunch of bananas, a massive grin on her face.

Lauren couldn't help but laugh. Some things never changed.

Their communication had been like that for about 3 months, a string of simple messages and silly photos sent back and forth. It reminded Lauren of how their friendship had first been and never failed to make her smile.

Surprisingly, it hadn’t been too difficult to put their history behind them. It was as though they were finally back to where they were supposed to be, all the pain of the past just a distant memory that was fading away into the background.

They'd seen each other a couple of times, managing to arrange meeting around their equally busy schedules. Camila had been promoting ‘Havana’ and filming her next music video. Fifth Harmony had done their first live shows for their new tour. Still, they kept in contact, even if their meet ups were only short.

Now, almost 3 weeks after they’d last seen each other, they were both in LA at the same time and, as soon as they’d found out, they had immediately planned to meet.

Lauren tried not to overthink the way her stomach had clenched when Camila had told her she was staying in a hotel just 10 minutes away. She tried to ignore the hammering of her heart as she replied and their scheduled days off matched up.

They were just friends. That’s all.

Lauren tried to tell herself that, but it was difficult. She knew she was still in love with Camila but, after everything that happened, she didn’t want to risk losing her again. Added on to that was the fact that neither of them had spoken about how they felt for each other now. After all, being friends again was making her so happy and she didn’t want to ruin it.

Time passed far too slowly for Lauren’s liking, but, eventually, the day came when she was going to see Camila again. Right on time (as always), Lauren walked through the main doors of Camila’s hotel. She knew she’d been spotted entering the building and that, inevitably, it would soon be all over the internet. It hadn’t gone unnoticed that the two girls had reconnected and, now that she was in Camila’s hotel, there was no doubt in her mind that even more rumours would circulate about them.

Before, rumours like that had always got to her far too much but now she found it much easier to ignore them. Perhaps it was because, when there were theories about her relationship with Camila before, she had been too hung up on hiding the truth and keeping her real feelings a secret from everyone - including Camila. Now that they’d talked about everything, none of the rumours seemed to matter.

She knocked on Camila’s door, unable to suppress the grin that was forming. As the door opened and she saw Camila standing there, beaming happily as their eyes met, she couldn’t help but allow her own smile to spread.

Lauren’s eyes moved downwards, taking in Camila’s appearance. Her sweatpants were hanging loosely from her hips and her tight black top was clinging to her. With some difficulty, Lauren forced herself to look up again only to catch Camila’s eyes wandering over her body too. It occurred to her that friends weren’t supposed to check each other out.

She began to wonder if she’d imagined it but the blush that started to settle on Camila’s cheeks told her otherwise.

“It’s so good to see you,” Camila stepped forwards and wrapped her arms around her friend, her lips brushing against Lauren’s ear as she spoke softly.

“You too,” Lauren mumbled, her voice slightly strained as she struggled to control her racing heart. It was as though her body was attempting to tell all the secrets she hadn’t dared to tell Camila yet.

They spent at least an hour catching up on everything that had happened since the last time they’d met, even though they’d already told each other everything via the hundreds of texts they’d exchanged.

As they spoke, Lauren realised this version of them was infinitely better than the old one. Movies had a tendency to romanticise drama, making tears and fights seems like a positive thing, a way to display the gravity of your feelings for someone else.

However, it was in that moment - while she sat cross-legged on Camila’s bed and listened to her talk about how she’d almost face planted when she was filming her new music video - that she realised she’d take these moments with Camila over any of the intensely dramatic ones they’d had before.

They were finally in a good place and Lauren knew it couldn’t have felt any more like home.  It was like, all along, this was how it was always meant to be between them. All the pain, all the mistakes they’d made, had led them here.

“Lauren?” Camila’s voice interrupted her thoughts.

Lauren’s focus snapped back to reality, “Erm… Yeah?”

“You alright there?” Camila giggled, “You were totally on another planet.”

“Planet green eyes attack you?” Lauren joked, sticking her tongue out.

Rolling her eyes, Camila groaned, playfully pushing her friend, “Shut it. I wish I’d never said that. It was so dumb.”

Reaching for another slice of the pizza they’d ordered, Lauren shrugged, focusing on ensuring her words sounded much more casual than they felt inside her mind, “I think it was adorable.”

“Oh yeah?” Camila asked, eyebrow raised as she tried (and failed) to slyly steal a piece of pepperoni from Lauren’s pizza.

“Yep,” Lauren nodded, before grinning, moving her pizza out of Camila’s reach, “Which is lucky for you because your attempts to steal my pepperoni are definitely not adorable. Get your own slice, Camz.”

Sighing dramatically, Camila leaned towards the pizza box, the position causing her arm to brush lightly against Lauren’s thigh. Camila cleared her throat, looking slightly flustered, before replying, “Well, it’s good to know that, despite my pizza stealing ways, you still think I’m adorable.”

Lauren looked up just in time to see Camila’s bottom lip become trapped between her teeth. Her mouth was suddenly unexplainably dry. Friends didn’t flirt with each other… Did they?

She attempted to cover the pause in their conversation by taking a big gulp of her drink, “I don’t remember saying _you_ were adorable. I believe I told you that your ‘planet green eyes’ comment was adorable. Although, I guess, you are pretty cute. Sometimes.”

“Sometimes?” Camila gasped, holding her hand over her heart, “That cut deep, Lauren.”

Lauren couldn’t help but laugh at Camila’s questionable acting skills, “Hey, you know, sometimes is better than never. You should be grateful really.”

“Remind me why I’m spending time with you?” Camila asked, glaring at Lauren but entirely failing to make it look at all believable.

“Oh, that’s easy,” Lauren said, her voice coming out lower than before. A surge of confidence washed over her and she found herself leaning towards Camila, locking their eyes together as she ran her thumb across her bottom lip. She noticed the rhythm of Camila’s breathing alter, and, she winked, pulling away and nonchalantly picking up her drink again as though nothing had happened, “I’m super hot.”

She placed her cup down, her heart beating furiously as she noticed Camila’s somewhat flustered state. It occurred to her that the move she’d just pulled had been incredibly bold and a hint of panic began to mix with the rush of adrenaline that was coursing through her veins.

She decided to fill the silence in an attempt to lessen the tension in the room, unsure of whether she had crossed a line, “Plus, nobody else will put up with your Disney movie obsession as well as I do.”

Camila’s gaze met Lauren’s, an unreadable expression hidden within her features. After a few seconds of silence, Camila laughed softly, ending whatever moment had just been taking place between them.

Clearing her throat, she proceeded to take another bite of her pizza, swallowing slowly before speaking, a grin spreading across her face, “Speaking of Disney…”

In a rush of enthusiasm, Camila hopped off the bed, her laptop now clutched in her hands as she flashed a huge smile at Lauren, “Can we watch Moana?”

As Camila looked at her, eyes full of excitement, Lauren knew there was no point even pretending to say no. That smile was enough to make Lauren agree to pretty much anything. Resistance was futile. She shook her head as soft laughter escaped her lips, “Sure we can, you dork.”

Letting out a small squeal of excitement, Camila opened up her laptop, the screen instantly lighting up.

“Do you ever turn that thing off?” Lauren joked as she lay back on the bed, manoeuvring the pillows until she was happy with her position.

“Life’s too short to actually shut down laptops, Lauren,” Camila sat down on the edge of the bed, quickly minimising an open window.

Lauren raised an eyebrow, “What’re you hiding there, Camz?”

Shuffling awkwardly, she turned around until she was lying next to Lauren. She'd hoped her actions had gone unnoticed but she was clearly wrong, “Oh, erm, it's just the first version of my next music video.”

Lauren’s eyes widened in excitement, “For ‘I'll Never Be The Same’? Can I see it?”

“It's not really finished yet,” Camila said softly as she got the movie ready. Lauren was unaware of the staccato rhythm of Camila’s heart as nerves built inside her.

Lauren furrowed her eyebrows, “Are you alright?”

Camila nodded, avoiding eye contact until the opening sequence of Moana popped up on the screen. She glanced quickly at Lauren, making sure to calm the incessant drumming inside her ribcage, and smiled softly, “Yeah, I'm good. Anyway, you ready for Moana? I'm warning you… I know all the words.”

“I'd expect nothing less,” Lauren giggled as both girls shuffled into a more comfortable position, Camila grateful that Lauren was suitably distracted from their previous topic of conversation.

Naturally, their bodies found each other as they settled on the bed, Camila turning onto her side to lean into Lauren while the laptop balanced on the older girl’s legs. It felt so normal that Lauren didn’t even find herself questioning why it had been so easy for them to fall back into the rhythm they’d had before sex had complicated everything.

Time passed far too quickly and, before Lauren knew it, the end credits were rolling and she felt a pang of disappointment as she realised that her time with Camila was coming to an end. That disappointment only intensified as Camila moved, separating her body from Lauren’s as she yawned lightly.

Lauren swallowed, trying not to overthink about why she was so desperate to avoid verbalising the realisation that was playing on her mind. As Camila stretched and rubbed her eyes sleepily, Lauren relented and let the words leave her mouth, “I think that's my cue to go, sleepyhead.”

“It doesn't have to be,” Camila began playing with the hem of her top, clearly more than a little bit nervous, “I mean, this bed is huge. You could just stay here. I have some clothes you can borrow.”

Lauren couldn't help but smile. All she knew was that she wasn't ready to say goodbye. Not yet. “It is pretty late. Are you sure you don't mind?”

“Of course not. Let me just grab you some clothes,” Camila said as she hopped off the bed, passed Lauren some clothes and paused briefly before gesturing towards the bathroom, “You, erm, you can get changed in there if you like. There's a spare toothbrush in there too so feel free to use that.”

It didn't take long for both girls to be curled up under the sheets. As Lauren looked into Camila’s eyes, which were struggling to stay open, she knew it wouldn't be long until they both succumbed to sleep.

“I had a really great day today,” Camila yawned again, her nose scrunching adorably as she did. She cast her gaze downward, biting her lip gently before speaking, “I'm just really happy right now.”

“Me too,” Lauren said softly, unable to stop herself from staring into Camila’s eyes as she tilted her head back up.

The two girls were just centimetres apart, despite the size of the bed. Neither of them had deliberately arranged their close proximity. It was as though they were continually being pulled together regardless of whether they intended to be or not.

As Lauren looked into those familiar brown eyes, she knew exactly what she needed to do next. It couldn’t have been any clearer.

Her tongue darted out, running along her bottom lip. She saw Camila’s gaze follow it and noticed the way her eyes widened slightly. Without hesitation, she leaned forward. Her hand reached up to connect with Camila’s cheek and she paused briefly, searching for any sign that told her to stop.

Her momentary delay didn't go unnoticed because, suddenly, she felt Camila’s hand slowly inch around the back of her neck, her fingers lightly gripping her hair as she pulled Lauren into her.

They were so close now that Lauren could’ve sworn she could see entire galaxies reflecting back at her through Camila’s eyes.

The three words she wanted to say were hanging on her lips, dangerously close to tumbling out of her mouth. Instead, she closed the gap between them, hoping her actions would somehow say them for her.

Lauren felt her heart soar as Camila’s lips began to move against her own. They’d kissed so many times before but it had never felt quite like this.

It was almost as though, while this wasn't their first kiss, it was their first one that truly mattered.

Every movement sent Lauren’s heart into a frenzy until it was beating so hard she was sure the entire world could hear it. Within seconds, Camila lightly brushed her tongue along Lauren’s lower lip and their kiss deepened. Their tongues collided against each other in perfect timing, creating a rhythm that was intoxicating.

As Camila’s hand settled on her waist, Lauren’s entire body felt as though it were on fire. Every touch, every kiss only served to intensify the heat that seemed to be surrounding them.

Camila’s fingers lightly trailed up and down Lauren’s back, moving in intricate patterns, as though Lauren was the canvas and she was intent on creating a masterpiece right there on her skin.

With air becoming a necessity, both girls broke apart, their breathing a lot heavier than it had been just moments ago. Not wanting to lose the intimacy between them, Lauren leaned forwards, resting her forehead on Camila’s. A smile played on her lips as she whispered, “I've wanted to do that all day.”

“Same,” Camila replied as the corners of her lips began to curl upwards, only stopping when they were interrupted by a small yawn. Instinctively, her hand moved from Lauren's waist to cover her mouth.

Lauren couldn't help but let out a soft laugh, “I think someone might need to go to sleep.”

“I'm sorry,” Camila mumbled, frowning slightly.

“Don't be. This was perfect,” Lauren reached over to turn off the lamp that was casting a gentle glow across the room. Before she did, she looked over her shoulder, smiling as Camila struggled to stop her eyes closing.

Previously, when Camila had fallen asleep beside her, Lauren had always known that by the time morning arrived one of them would be gone. It was as though their actions were only ever a promise for that night, never for tomorrow too. This time she dared to hope that it would be different.

She heard Camila’s breathing alter and she knew from experience that the girl next to her was almost asleep. Placing a soft kiss on her forehead, she whispered, “I’m crazy about you, Camila Cabello.”

They weren’t the words that were repeatedly echoing inside her mind but, for now, they were enough.

 


	4. Don't Say You Love Me

Lauren groaned, the light shining far too brightly into her eyes. She opened them with reluctance then smiled as she recalled the events of the night before.

However, the rush of happiness spreading through her disappeared as she rolled over and found a distinct lack of Camila beside her.

Her heart sank.

Sure, they’d only kissed, but she’d thought that it had meant more this time. That Camila really cared.

Now that she was looking at the empty space beside her, she wondered if she’d assumed incorrectly.

She sighed and shook her head. She was being ridiculous. There had to be an explanation. Camila wouldn’t just leave her here for no reason. Things were different now. _They_ were different now.

She sat up, rubbing her eyes in an attempt to wake herself up more rapidly. It was then that something caught her eye on the other side of the room.

Pulling on her hoodie, she ran a hand through her hair in an attempt to tame it and walked over to the desk. Camila’s laptop was open, the logon screen further illuminating the space around her. Lauren shook her head, mentally chastising herself for doubting Camila at all, as she read the note that was propped against the screen.

 _“In case you wake up while I’m gone, I’m just grabbing breakfast. There’s something you should watch on my laptop. My password is 041614._  
_Camz xxx  
P.S. I'm more than crazy about you, Lauren Jauregui.”_

As the words sunk in, Lauren was sure she was floating somewhere far above the hotel room. The fact she was getting them breakfast, the significance of Camila’s password, her adorable postscript… It was all combining and resulting in what felt like an acrobatic display inside her stomach. The grin on her face spread even further (although she didn’t think it possible) when she entered the password and found a video file titled, ‘I’ll Never Be The Same’.

Settling herself on the chair, she double clicked the file and watched eagerly as the first notes of Camila’s next single began to play. As soon as it came into view, Lauren recognised the scenery on the screen in front of her. It was her favourite beach back in Miami.

It was in that moment that Lauren realised Camila hadn’t really divulged much information about this video. In fact, whenever they’d been texting and Lauren had brought it up, Camila always seemed to change the subject. She began to wonder why. After all, they used to go to that beach together all the time when they were back home. Wasn’t it a bit weird that Camila hadn’t thought to mention that she’d been filming there?

Her mind, however, became distracted as she saw Camila walking along the beach. The lyrics to the first verse played in the background while it showed various close ups of Camila either singing or staring into the camera with a look that made Lauren’s stomach swirl.

 _Let go of the ways I used to fall in lane_  
_Now I’m seeing red, not thinking straight  
Blurring all the lines, you intoxicate me_

As the song shifted and built towards the chorus, the location changed and Camila was walking through an empty building. The lighting was dark and it took Lauren a few more seconds before she realised that, once again, she recognised exactly where Camila was. It was the Nokia Club.

Watching on as Camila sat on the edge of the stage, guitar in hand, a thought entered Lauren’s mind. She immediately began dismissing it but, as the lyrics to the chorus kicked in, her thought became more stubborn.

 _It’s you, babe_  
_And I’m a sucker for the way that you move, babe_  
_And I could try to run but it would be useless_  
_You’re to blame  
Just one hit, you will know I’ll never be the same_

Both locations had been places that the two of them had been together. Not only that, but they each had fairly significant memories attached to them.

The Nokia Club was the venue where they’d watched The 1975 perform, but, more importantly, where they’d had their first kiss. The beach was where they’d really started to become close friends, hanging out together while they were on breaks from working. Lauren was sure they’d spent an absurd amount of time down there, often talking for hours and only stopping when they realised darkness was enveloping them.

Coupled with the content of Camila’s lyrics, Lauren began to wonder if it all seemed a bit too unbelievable for it to all just be a coincidence. Any residual doubt began to dissipate as the second verse started, and, with it, yet another location that Lauren was no stranger to.

Camila’s shadow cast on the wall of a very familiar corridor. Even in the low lighting of the music video, Lauren knew there was only place that could be: The Forum in California. It was hardly a place she could forget after all. Not when that specific corridor was where Camila had surprised Lauren after Fifth Harmony’s VMA performance.

 _Sneaking in LA when the lights are low  
_ _Off of one touch I could overdose_

Lauren couldn’t help but be impressed with how well the lyrics fit the scene. Camila really had thought this through carefully. Lauren’s heart was pounding in her chest. The video was like travelling back through their history. She inhaled sharply as a moment of doubt washed over her. She wasn’t just imagining it, was she?

Fine, the lyrics could be about someone else (although, by this point, Lauren was desperately hoping they weren't), but there was no way she could be misinterpreting Camila’s choice of locations. Added on to that was the fact that Camila had previously been so reluctant to talk about the video.

Lauren waited with anticipation for the next scene change, her pulse racing. However, when she saw Camila sat in the coffee shop where they’d met just a few months ago, she realised that, although she had been expecting to see another familiar location, she was still entirely unprepared.

Her breath caught in her throat as it dawned on her that Camila was sat in exactly the same seat as when they’d met, nursing the same mostly empty mug and wearing the same outfit.

 _You’re in my blood_  
_You’re in my veins  
You’re in my head_

Her heart leapt as she recalled everything that had happened that day. Whilst it had been painful to discuss their past, Lauren knew that it had been necessary. It had allowed them to move on, finally closing a door on all their mistakes. It had led them to now.

And there was nowhere Lauren would rather be.

As the last chorus played, the camera switched between shots from all four scenes, ending with the Nokia Club. However, this time, instead of being on the stage herself, the shot panned out to show Camila on the balcony staring down towards the platform below. She was stood exactly where they’d been at the moment their lips had connected for the first time.

_Just one hit, you will know I’ll never, ever, ever be the same_

Lauren’s heart began to pound frantically inside her chest as the scene faded to black and white lettering appeared on the screen. The hammering against her ribcage was so loud she didn't even hear the door open.

As the letters came into focus, Lauren’s eyes scanned over them several times, too overwhelmed to process them.

The words began to fade slowly, disappearing from the screen. As she read them one last time, she could’ve sworn she could actually hear Camila’s voice saying the words to her.

_“I am so in love with you.”_

She furrowed her eyebrows. Camila’s voice didn’t sound as though it was just in her head…

Standing up, she turned around and saw familiar brown eyes locked onto her own. She hadn’t even realised Camila was back. She’d been far too engrossed in everything she’d seen over the last few minutes.

“I…” Lauren felt as though she could barely breathe and she found herself surprised she could stutter out any words at all.

As Camila waited for Lauren to finish speaking, fear began flooding through her, intensifying as the silence extended further. She'd tried to read Lauren’s reaction as her confession appeared on screen but had found it far too difficult. She started to panic. Did Lauren feel the same way?

Another doubt flashed through Camila’s mind. Had Lauren realised those words were meant for her? Camila thought she'd been pretty obvious. After all, the entire video was practically a letter to the girl stood in front of her.

Camila looked down at the floor and swallowed nervously, the small sound breaking the silence between them. After a few more seconds, she spoke, “So, yeah…”

All of a sudden, Lauren realised she hadn’t even responded. Camila had shot an entire music video about her, complete with a declaration of love, and she was just stood there like an idiot. Camila’s voice filled the air again just as she was about to speak.

“So, I mean, I hope you realised that video was all about you otherwise this is really awkward,” Camila’s voice was shaking as the words rushed out of her mouth uncontrollably, “I just needed to tell you. I’ve wanted to tell you so many times before and I just didn’t want to lose the chance. I love you, Lauren. But it’s totally fine if you don’t say it back. That’s not what--”

“Camz?” Lauren smiled softly, breaking Camila’s sentence as she spoke. Her heart was soaring so much she wasn’t quite sure how it was still contained inside her chest, “Stop talking.”

Camila was still looking down nervously, unable to see the expression on Lauren’s face. Despite Lauren’s response, words continued to flood out of her mouth, a nervous jumble of syllables, “I just, you know, things have only been alright again between us for a few months, and this might all feel too soon for you. God, we only kissed last night and here I am telling you I love you. I just, well, I don’t want you to feel like you have to say anything back. You know, don’t say you love me --”

“But what if I do?” Lauren interrupted, stepping closer to Camila.

Looking up, Camila finally met Lauren’s gaze. The panic that had been building inside her dissolved instantly as she simultaneously processed Lauren’s words and saw the smile on her face. “Oh, well, you know… That would be alright.”

“Alright?” Lauren grinned, placing a hand on Camila’s waist as she pulled them closer together, “I was sort of hoping that, when I told you how ridiculously in love with you I am, that it might be more than just alright.”

Camila smiled warmly, bringing her hand to Lauren’s cheek before she spoke, “I love you so much, Lauren.”

“I love you too.”

Before her words had even had a chance to settle in the air around them, Lauren felt soft lips encapsulate her own. As her brain caught up, she felt a surge of happiness burst inside her as Camila’s confession and lips washed over her.

She deepened their kiss and revelled in how perfectly Camila’s lips fit between her own. While Camila’s words echoed in her mind, Lauren couldn’t help but smile.

Suddenly, they separated and she heard a quiet giggle tumble from Camila’s mouth, her fingers still tangled in Lauren’s hair, “Sorry. It’s just, I think we’re both smiling too much to even kiss properly right now,”

“I don’t think I can help it,” Lauren took Camila's hand in her own and led her towards the bed until they were sat side by side, “You’re incredible, Camila. I mean, your music video. I haven’t even told you how amazing it is, and I'm not just saying that because it's about us.”

Camila felt a warm blush begin to spread across her cheeks, “Really?”

“Absolutely,” Lauren nodded, reinforcing her response, “When will it be released?”

“Well, it’s meant to be tomorrow but I was kind of waiting for your reaction first,” Camila confessed, “If you don’t want me to release it, I won’t.”

Confused, Lauren tilted her head to the side, one eyebrow slightly raised as she spoke, “Why wouldn’t I want you to release it?”

“It has a lot of personal stuff about you - about us - in there. You know what the fans are like. They’ll figure out most of it. It’s no secret we’re both from Miami and we both know the rumours that went around after we saw The 1975. I think the coffee shop is safe, and fans shouldn’t know that corridor has anything to do with the VMAs,” Camila explained, “Journalists have already commented on us spending more time together. This could make all that worse. You can think about it. If you want me to, I’ll just say I’m really unhappy with the video.”

“No way,” Lauren shook her head, “It’s perfect.”

Eyebrows furrowed, Camila paused for a second before speaking, wondering if Lauren would change her mind, “Are you sure? I mean, obviously, I’m going to delete the message at the end. I just got that part added in for you.”

Lauren ran her thumb over Camila’s fingers, tracing small circular patterns on her skin, “I think you should keep it in. Camz, I don’t give a shit if people work out that video is about us.”

“But--”

The word barely left Camila’s mouth before Lauren interrupted, smiling as she spoke, “We used to hide this because it was messy back then. For starters, being in the band together complicated everything, but we also didn’t know what this was. It was never anything real. Camila, I really do love you, and I want us to be something more this time around. I want people to see how happy you make me. Besides, if we hide this, everyone will just think I’m lying when I’m talking non-stop about my incredible girlfriend.”

Camila’s eyes widened, her heart leaping as Lauren’s words - well, one word in particular - echoed in her mind, “Girlfriend?”

“Yep,” Lauren said, as though it were the most simple thing in the world, “I think it’s about time we made it official after all these years.”

Before she knew what was happening, Camila grabbed the front of Lauren’s hoodie and pulled their bodies, and lips, together. After a few seconds, she leaned back, smiling as she spoke, “So, my music video is basically us coming out?”

An idea was beginning to formulate within Lauren’s mind, and, as she thought it over, finalising the details, she let go of Camila’s hand (ignoring the small frown on her girlfriend’s face as she did so) and retrieved the laptop from the other side of the room, “I have an idea.”

Camila watched on in confusion as Lauren started typing, turning the screen away so that it was hidden from view. Her fingers moved with ease across the keyboard as she found the website she was looking for within seconds.

“What are -- ”

“Just wait,” Lauren cut in, her eyes trained on the screen as she focused on the message she was putting together. She deleted her words several times before she was finally happy with the outcome.

She turned the laptop back around, an eyebrow raised in question as she waited for Camila’s reaction. She didn’t have to wait long. A grin spread across Camila’s face as she leaned forward and pressed “tweet”, posting Lauren’s message to her millions of followers.

“Well, let’s see how long it takes before we’re trending,” Lauren joked, “The Harmonizers are going to go nuts.”

Camila laughed, placing the laptop down on the floor. Happiness flooded through her, filling every atom of her being. This was all she'd wanted for so long, and, now that it was finally happening, it was better than she ever could have imagined.

Their eyes met and Camila felt that familiar somersaulting motion inside her stomach. Subconsciously, she found her gaze settling on Lauren's lips, admiring every dip and curve that rested on their surface. Everything about Lauren made her pulse feel as though it was beating like a sledgehammer. She began to crave the feeling of her girlfriend’s mouth pressed against her own, lips, tongues and teeth battling for dominance.

Within seconds, she was leaning forward, pressing herself into Lauren with urgency. She pushed her backwards until they were lying on the bed, Camila’s body hovering over Lauren’s as their kiss deepened. Camila was kissing her with desperation now, hoping to somehow convey the extent of her emotions with every move she made.

Camila pressed their bodies together, separating their lips as she moved to trail kisses down Lauren’s neck, eliciting a soft moan from the girl beneath her.

They became lost in one another, and were far too pre-occupied to notice the soft buzzing of their phones as notifications flooded in (along with several missed calls from their PR teams). In that moment, nothing else existed except the two of them.

As time passed, and the retweets spiralled out of control, the laptop screen started to dim, the words on screen now only just visible:

 **_Lauren Jauregui:_ ** _Camren is so real._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're somehow still here then that means you've stuck with me throughout this entire thing, so thank you!


End file.
